The Office Quotes


I think if I was allergic to dairy I'd kill myself.


Pam: I have a really important question for you.
Jim: Yes?
Pam: Are you going to Angela's cat party on Sunday?


Jim: I think this is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to somebody's head.


Michael: Starbucks. Oh man, that place is like the promised land!


Michael: TMI? 'Too Much Information' Uh, it's just easier to say TMI. I used to say 'don't go there' but that's lame.


Pam: Usually on sexual harassment day everyone harasses me, as a joke.


Dwight: It's okay here, uh, but people sometimes take advantage, because it's so relaxed. And, I'm a volunteer sheriff's deputy on the weekends, and you cannot screw around there. It's sort of one of the rules.


Michael: Abraham Lincoln once said that 'If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North,' and those are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.


Dwight: In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, 'Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me. I'm dead.' Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead.


Dwight: OK, first let's go over some parameters. How many people can I fire?
Michael: Uh, none. You're picking a healthcare plan.


Dwight: A 30 year mortgage at Michael's age essentially means that he's buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so I couldn't hear the other dead people.


Michael: Nobody likes beets, Dwight! Why don't you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy.


Michael: So I never went to business school. You know who else didn't go to business school? LeBron James, Kobe Bryant, Tracy McGrady.


Dwight: (about his purple karate belt) This is not a toy, this is a message to the entire office so that everyone can see I can physically dominate them.


Michael: Awesome Blossom, extra awesome.


Angela: I actually look forward to performance reviews. I did the youth beauty pageant circuit, and I enjoyed that quite a bit. I really enjoy being judged. I believe I hold up very well to even severe scrutiny.


Jim: My roommate wants to meet everybody. Because I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm making Dwight up.


Michael: Pam, will you rub butter on my foot?
Pam: No.
Michael: Please? I have Country Crock.


Jim: I wanna clamp Michael's face in a George Foreman grill.


Ryan: If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds, and nobody would ever know that I'd ever been here. And I'd forget, too.


Michael: Why do I like Hooters? Well, I will give you two reasons. The boobs and the hot wings.


Jim: Dwight, The key to being a good public speaker is waving your arms in the air and pounding your fists on the table. A lot.


Michael: You know what the best medicine is?
Kevin: The doctor said a combination of Interferon and Dacarbazine.
Michael: And laughter.


Michael: Let's start with Angela.
Angela: You already did me.
Michael: That's what she said.


Dwight: I have a girlfriend.
Jim: Sure you do.


Michael: You don't call retarded people retards. It's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they are acting retarded. And I consider Oscar a friend.


Michael: I love inside jokes. I'd love to be a part of one someday.


Michael: I don't understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn't even work here.


Dwight: Just as you have planted your seed into the ground, I will plant my seed into you.
Ryan: I don't think you realize what you're saying.


Stanley: Only 364 days until the next pretzel day.


Michael: This is an orientation, not a BOREientation.


Dwight: Last weekend, I outran a black pepper snake.


Dwight: Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing.


Jim: Today is Thursday, but Dwight thinks that it's Friday. And... that's what I'll be working on this afternoon.


Dwight: I dont have much experience with vampires. I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbors dog.


Dwight: Listen up kid! I don't like you. But because some town in Switzerland says so, you have rights.


Creed: Sometimes a guy's gotta ride the bull, am I right? Later, skater.


Michael: Myth: Three Americans die every year from rabies. Fact: Four Americans die every year die from rabies.
Pam: Last year, my performance review started with Michael asking me what my hopes and dreams were and it ended with him telling me he could bench press 190 pounds.


Michael: Would I rather be feared or loved? Um, easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.


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