Quotes from The Simpsons

Homer: Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems.

Duffman: Duffman can never die, only the actors who play him. Oh yeah!

Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible.

Milhouse: Everything's coming up Milhouse.

Milhouse: Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl Bart? Why did I have the bowl?

Apu: I've been shot eight times this year, and as a result, I almost missed work.

Nelson: I don't know, gotta nuke something.

Nelson: We've been doing a lot of upper body work on Bart. Today let's pound his kidneys.

Principal Skinner: There's no justice like angry-mob justice.

Principal Skinner: I'm riding the bus today because Mother hid my car keys to punish me for talking to a woman on the phone. She was right to do it.

Bartender Chick: You said that if I slept with you, I wouldn't have to touch the drunk.
Duffman: Duff Man says a lot of things, Oh yeah!

Lenny: My eye, my doctor said I wasn't supposed to get pudding in it.

Apu: Yes I'm a citizen. Now which way to the welfare office? I'm kidding, I work, I work:

Comic Book Man: Worst... episode... ever.

Principal Skinner: That's why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them.

Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.

Mayor Quimby: Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with digging up a corpse?

Homer: Stupid TV! Be more funny!

Marge: Grandpa, are you sitting on the apple pie?
Grandpa: I hope so

Duffman: That brown patch needs a little H2 oyeah

Moleman: I was saying 'Boo-urns.'

Duffman: Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem.

Mayor Quimby: Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it.

Marge: My name is Marge Simpson and I have an idea. It may sound a little boring at first.
Mayor Quimby: Chat away. I'll just amuse myself with some pornographic playing cards.

Burns: Then get me his non-union, Mexican equivalent!

Kent Brockman: This just in. Go to hell.

Ralph: Hi super nintendo Chalmers.

Chief Wiggum: Bake'm away toys.

Chief Wiggum: Seeya in court, Simpson. Oh, and bring that evidence with you. Otherwise, I got no case and you'll go scot-free.

Bart: I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
Homer: Son, I'm proud of you! I was twice your age when I figured that out.

Ralph: I bent my wookie.

Homer: To start, press any key. Where's the any key? (Homer wore a moomoo in this episode.)

Vet: Your dog's condition has been upgraded from stable to frisky.

Ralph: I want to go to Bovine University. (after watching a video on how meat is made)

More Random Chimp Stuff:

The Advanced Vocabulary Quiz - Bet you don't know these words

The Badass Quiz - How Much of a Badass Are You?

Any Given Sunday Quotes

8 Basic Rules for Using a Urinal

Grumpy Chimp - Celebrity Mugshots