Office Space Quotes

Peter: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.

Bob: What... what would ya say.. ya do here?

Lumbergh: Hi, Peter. What's happening? We need to talk about your TPS reports.

Secretary: Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays.

Bob: I'll be honest with you, I love his music, I do, I'm a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, I don't know if it gets any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman".

Drew: She gets around, like a record.

Michael Bolton: I told those fudge packers that I liked Michael Bolton's music.

Bob: Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately.

Peter: I wouldn't say I've been missing it.

Milton: The ratio of people to cake is too big.

Lumbergh: Milt, we're gonna need to go ahead and move you downstairs into storage B. We have some new people coming in, and we need all the space we can get. So if you could go ahead and pack up your stuff and move it down there, that would be terrific, OK?

Michael Bolton: PC Load Letter? What the fuck does that mean?

Peter: Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about mission statements.

Peter: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh - after that I sorta space out for an hour. Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.

Peter: Hey guys, wanna go to Chotchkies? Get some coffee?

Tom Smykowski: It was a "Jump to Conclusions" mat. You see, it would be this mat that you would put on the floor... and would have different CONCLUSIONS written on it that you could jump to.
Michael Bolton: That's the worst idea I've ever heard in my life, Tom.
Samir: Yes, this is horrible, this idea.

Peter: This isn't so bad, huh? Makin' bucks, gettin' exercise, workin' outside.
Lawrence: Fuckin' A.
Peter: Fuckin' A.

Lawyer: You know, minimum security prison is no picnic. I had a client in there once. He said the trick is: kick someone's ass the first day, or become somebody's bitch.

Michael Bolton: If we get caught, we're not going to white-collar resort prison. No, no, no. We're going to federal "pound me in the ass" prison.

Lawrence: No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked saying something like that.

Michael Bolton: No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks

Michael Bolton: You and me both, man. That thing is lucky I'm not armed.

Bob: I'd like to move us right along to a Peter. Now we had a chance to meet this young man, and boy that's just a straight shooter with upper management written all over him.

Peter: What am I gonna do with 40 subscriptions to Vibe?

Tom Smykowski: Just remember, if you hang in there long enough, good things can happen in this world. I mean, look at me.

Lumbergh: Oh, and remember: next Friday... is Hawaiian shirt day. So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans.

Peter: I can't believe what a bunch of nerds we are. We're looking up "money laundering" in a dictionary.

Lumbergh: Oh, oh, and I almost forgot. Ahh, I'm also gonna need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday, too...

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