Liar Liar Movie Quotes

Fletcher: I can't lie!

Fletcher: Stop breaking the law, asshole!

Fletcher: Audrey, good news, both my legs are broken so they can't take me straight to jail.

Fletcher: The pen is blue! The pen is blue!

Fletcher: What is wrong with me? I'm getting what I deserve. I'm reaping what I sow.

Fletcher: I'm so glad my gift could bring them closer together. My plan to completely phase myself out is almost complete!

Max: I wish for just one day, dad couldn't tell a lie.

Max: Is wrestling real?
Fletcher: In the Olympics, yes. On channel 23, no.

Secretary: Do you like my new dress?
Fletcher: What ever takes the focus off your head!

Audrey: Well, what were you doing?
Fletcher: Having sex!
Audrey: Well, I hope it was with someone very special!
Fletcher: No, see that's the thing, I don't even like her, but she's a partner and I thought I could get ahead by making her squeal.

Fletcher: I was hoping after being married to me you'd have no more strength left.
Audrey: Well, you have to remember that when we were married, I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you were.

Man in Bathroom: What the hell are you doing?
Fletcher: I'm kicking my own ass!

Guy in office: Hey, Fletcher, how's it hanging?
Fletcher: Short, shriveled, and always to the left.

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