Knocked Up Movie Quotes


Ben Stone: Steely Dan can gargle my balls.


Ben Stone: I will fuck my bong. Doggie-style, for once.


Ben Stone: Now that's how you get pink eye.


Ben Stone: Yeah, it's a cure-all. My buddy Jonah broke his elbow one time. He just smoked some weed. It still clicks, but it's cool.


Jonah: I'm going to murderball you!


Jonah: Don't masturbate with a noose. If you do, use a spotter or a teammate.


Jonah: Cya, Scorcese on coke.


Martin: Fuck me in the beard.


Martin: Do you ever get so bored, you just stare at your balls?
Jonah: I bet you do, late John Lennon.


Sadie: I googled murder.


Alison Scott: I was drunk!
Ben Stone: Was your vagina drunk?


Pete: I'm gonna throw you in my DeLorean and gun it to 88.


Pete: There are five different types of chairs in this hotel room.
Ben Stone: That's way too many chairs for one room!


Pete: You look like Babe Ruth's gay brother... Gaybe Ruth.


Jill: Oh, no, we're not asking you to lose weight. That would be illegal. We just want you to be healthy, by eating less. So go home, weigh yourself on a scale, write than down. Then subtract 20 from that number. And weigh that. Yeah.


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