House Quotes


Dr. House: I don't ask why patients lie. I just assume they all do.


Dr. House: No, there is not a thin line between love and hate. There is, in fact, a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every twenty feet between love and hate.


Dr. House: I've been a doctor for years. Why do I have to keep assuring people I know what I'm doing?


Dr. House: Less money is made by biochemists working on a cure for cancer than by their colleagues struggling valiantly to find ways to hide steroid use.


Dr. Chase: No lesions, no aneurysms. Ironically, the mind of a killer looks completely normal.


Dr. Cameron: I have fun.
Dr. Chase: Yeah, she's got some scheduled for February.


Dr. Cameron: His right testicle is almost twice as big as his left.
Dr. House: Cool!


Henry: I assume you've been in love?
Dr. House: Is that the one that makes your pants feel funny?


Dr. House: You met me at a strip club.
Stacy: You were the worst two dollars I ever spent.


Bill: His name's Joey, he's my only brother.
Dr. House: He's important to you. Got it. No placebos for him, we'll use the real medicine.


Lucille: I'm not pregnant.
Dr. House: Sorry, you don't get to make that call unless you have a stethoscope. Union rules.


Carmen Electra: Can I put my pants back on?
Dr. House: I rather you didn't.


Dr. Chase: You're joking.
Dr. House: Well, hard not to, nothing funnier than cancer.


Dr. Chase: How would you feel if I interfered in your personal life?
Dr. House: I'd hate it. That's why I cleverly have no personal life


Dr. Wilson: She's hot, so she's a hooker? What kind of pathetic logic is that?
Dr. House: The envious, jealous, "I never got any in high school" kind of logic, hello!


Dr. Cameron: Men should grow up.
Dr. House: Yeah, and dogs should stop licking their workplace-acceptable euphemism for testicles. It's not going to happen.


Dr. Cuddy: You don't prescribe medicine based on guesses. At least we don't since Tuskeegee and Mengele.
Dr. House: You're comparing me to a Nazi? [admiringly] Nice


Dr Cuddy: Oh, and I looked up that philosopher, and it turns out that if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.


Dr. House: Patients always want proof. We're not making cars here, we don't give guarantees.


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